Valentines Day stories
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Four tales to do with Valentines Day and 5 shippings. These include, Stendy, Kydi, Kola, Netters and Scotphie
1. Prologue

Cafeteria.

We open to Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Scott, Craig and Tweek having lunch.

Craig: So what are you guys doing for Valentines Day?

Kyle: Me and Heidi are just going to the movies. We're seeing some movie called Chix Flick. The chicks ends with an "X".

Craig: Yeah I know. How about you Butters?

Butters: I'm going on a double date with Nelly. We're going with Kenny and Lola.

Cartman: And it'll end in a foursome.

Butters: I don't know about that. What's a foursome?

Craig: How about you Stan? Let me guess you're going out with Wendy?

Stan: Yeah. Of course I am. I'm just scared of screwing up.

Cartman: You're always scared you'll screw up around Windy. It's starting to get a little repetitive if you ask me.

Tweek: How about you Scott? We see you hanging with Sophie Gray.

Scott: Yeah. I'm just nervous.

Stan: About what?

Scott: It's just it's my first Valentines Day with a girl. An actual girl. I'm just scared I'll screw up.

Kyle: You won't screw up Scott.

Cartman: He will Khal, because of his diabetes. (Starts Mimicking Scott Malkinson) "I'm Scott Malkinson. I have a lisp and diabetes".

Butters was the only one who laughed.

Cartman: What? Is it not funny anymore?

Stan: It's become overused.

Scott: Thank you!

Cartman: Alright. (Starts mimicking Scott Malkinson again) "I'm Scott Malkinson, I have a lisp, diabetes and a girlfriend who has a lisp and diabetes".

Everyone laughed.

Stan: Ok, that was funny.

Scott: She does not have a lisp.

Cartman: But she has diabetes. Your tongue is gonna get in the way of you kissing her.

Scott: No it isn't. We're gonna kiss each other, you'll see.

Cartman: Alright, how about a bet? I bet you 32 dollars if you kiss Sophie. But if you don't than you'll have to repeat "I'm Scott Malkinson, I have a lisp and diabetes" 5 times when we sit down for lunch for a week.

Scott: But if I do kiss Sophie, than you have to give me the 32 dollars and have to do something humiliating for everyone in the school for a month.

Cartman: Challenge accepted.

Scott and Cartman shake hands.

Stan: How about you two? What are you gonna do?

Craig: Me and Tweek are just gonna do the usual. Go out, probably watch a movie, have dinner and hold hands.

Kenny: Sounds good.

Craig: Not really, we're kind of boring.

Stan: I hope date night goes well for everyone here. And Scott, I hope you win the bet because I got something Cartman should wear.


	2. Kiss Hard: A Stendy Story

We open to the Testaburger residence.

Wendy was in her bedroom dressed in a pink dress.

Wendy was brushing her hair getting ready for the night.

Whilst on a FaceTime call with Bebe.

Wendy: How do I look?

_Bebe: I'm not so sure about the dress._

Wendy: Bebe, this is my favourite dress. You know it is.

_Bebe: I know, I'm just suggesting you might need to wear something better._

Wendy: What?! I've spent the last two hours getting ready for this date.

_Bebe: I'm only suggesting._

Suddenly Wendy heard the doorbell ring.

Wendy: Shit, he's here. I'm sorry Bebe, I gotta go. Stan's here.

_Bebe: Ok. I gotta go. I'm joining Kyle and Heidi on their date._

Wendy: Bye Bebe.

_Bebe: Bye._

Wendy hangs up.

As soon as Wendy was about to exit her room she stopped.

Wendy: What was she saying about Kyle and Heidi? Fuck it, I gotta go.

Meanwhile.

Stan was sitting on the couch looking nervous.

Stan was dressed in his best suit.

Stan: Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up.

Wendy was walking downstairs.

Wendy: Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up.

Stan got off the couch and walked up to Wendy still repeating the same words.

Stan and Wendy awkwardly stare at each other.

Stan: You look beautiful.

Wendy: So do I..I mean so do you.

Wendy (Speaking in her thoughts): Fuck. That was terrible I hope he didn't notice.

Stan (Speaking in his thoughts): What should I say now?

Stan held out his hand.

Stan: What are we waiting for? Let's go.

Wendy grabbed Stan's hand.

Wendy: Yeah lets.

Sean (Wendy's Dad) entered the room.

Sean: Make sure you bring her back by nine. Got it?

Stan: Alright I will.

Sean: Have fun you two.

Wendy: Ok Daddy.

Stan and Wendy exit the house whilst holding hands.

Both Stan and Wendy were thinking the same thing whilst walking to the restaurant. "Don't fuck this up".

Later.

Buga De Faggocini.

Stan and Wendy enter the restaurant.

They notice Kenny, Lola, Butters and Nelly on their double date.

Butters noticed them.

Butters: Hey Stan, hey Wendy.

Stan and Wendy: Hey Butters.

A waiter approached the two.

Waiter: Hi, I'm Gale I'll be your waiter for the evening.

Stan: Hi Gale.

Gale: We have your seats waiting for you, follow me.

Stan and Wendy follow Gale to their seats.

Gale: Here are your seats.

Stan and Wendy sat on the seats.

They both sat across from each other.

Gale: A waiter will be with you shortly.

Stan and Wendy both stare at each other.

Stan: So...how's basketball?

Wendy: We're doing well. We have a match against East Park next week. I hope you can show up.

Stan: I will. As long as my Dad doesn't do anything to stop me.

Wendy: Speaking of your Dad, how's farm life?

Stan: I don't really like to talk about farm life, it puts too much stress on me. I thought you knew that.

Wendy: Sorry, I just forgotten.

Stan: It's ok. Like I said, I don't want to put any stress on us this evening.

Wendy: Me neither.

They awkwardly look around.

Stan (Speaking in his thoughts): Fuck, this is going terrible.

Wendy (Speaking in her thoughts): Shit, this is going terrible. I need to think this night through and fast. How?

Stan (Speaking in his thoughts): Gotta think of a way to think things over. But how?

They sat thinking.

Wendy (Speaking in her thoughts): I got it.

Stan (Speaking in his thoughts): That's it.

Stan and Wendy: I gotta go to the... bathroom.

They awkwardly stare at each other before bursting into laughter.

Later.

Stan enters the bathroom fixing himself up.

Stan takes off his hat and starts to comb his hair.

Meanwhile.

Wendy was in the girls bathroom trying to fix herself up as well.

Wendy takes off her beret and starts to brush her hair.

Meanwhile.

Stan finished combing his hair and puts his hat back on.

Stan: Hey Wendy. I...I...I...Dammit.

Meanwhile.

Wendy finished brushing her hair and puts her beret back on.

Wendy: So, how's the farm? Come on Wendy, you know he doesn't wanna talk about it.

Meanwhile.

Stan was splashing water in his face.

Stan: You're fucking up dude.

Meanwhile.

Wendy was slapping herself.

Wendy: You're doing a shit job Wendy.

Meanwhile.

Stan: I lo-

Meanwhile.

Wendy: Ve you. Ok, I think you got this.

Later.

Stan and Wendy exit their bathrooms simultaneously.

Stan: Oh hey.

Wendy: Hey.

Stan: You wanna go back to our seats.

Wendy: Sure.

They were about to make their way to their table, until they heard gunshots.

They both stood in fear.

Stan: Jesus.

A waiter found the two.

Waiter: Hide.

Suddenly the waiter got shot in the head.

Stan: Where should we hide?

Wendy: I don't know. The bathrooms.

Stan: They'll find us eventually.

Wendy: What do we do?

Suddenly the waiter who was shot in the head woke up.

Waiter: Hide in the-

Suddenly the waiter gets shot in the head again.

Stan: Jesus!

The two turn around and notice a ventilation right in front of them.

Wendy: Into the vents.

Waiter: Actually I was suggesting the bath-

Suddenly the waiter gets shot in the head again.

Wendy: Quickly.

Stan got into the vent and than Wendy.

In the vent.

Stan and Wendy were crawling.

Stan: Can there be a normal night for both of us?

Wendy: Actually there were times w-

Stan: I know.

Wendy: Than why did you say that?

Stan sighed.

Stan: I don't know.

They continue to crawl.

Stan (Speaking in his head): What is going on? Is this place overrun by thieves? I just wanted a nice night with my girlfriend. I hope we survive.

Wendy (Speaking in her thoughts): I never knew Stan had a great ass.

Later.

The couple exit the vents and they were in the kitchen.

Stan came out first and than Wendy.

Wendy: Stan, what do you think's going on in there?

Stan: I don't know possibly a hostage situation.

Wendy: I'll call the police.

Wendy pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled 911.

Wendy: I can't get a dial tone.

Stan: They must've cut the phone lines.

Wendy: Come on we gotta go.

Stan: But Kenny, Lola, Nelly and Butters are still in there. We gotta rescue them.

Wendy: But Stan, they have guns. We have nothing.

Stan: Wendy, I have survived shit bigger than this. Wendy, they need us. We have to help them.

Wendy sighed.

Wendy: Alright Stan, if one of us dies, I wanna say, I love you.

Stan: I know.

They stare at each other.

Wendy: So do we have a plan?

Suddenly a lettuce that was placed on a table exploded.

Stan: Shit!

Stan and Wendy started to run for cover.

A criminal was in the kitchen.

Criminal: I found him! I f-

Suddenly the criminal slipped over a puddle of soup and his head landed on the corner of a table and it caused his neck to break.

Stan and Wendy poked their heads out of their hiding place, which turned out to be the corner of a table.

Stan: Jesus. I think they're after me

Wendy: What do you mean by that?

Stan: He said, he found him and I'm the only him in this room, so I think whoever's controlling this situation is here for me.

Wendy: What?!

Stan pressed his hand on Wendy's mouth.

Suddenly two more goons enter the kitchen.

One of them inspects the body of the goon who accidentally broke his neck.

The goon sighed.

Goon 1: One down 5 to go.

The goon's started to look around the kitchen.

Whilst Stan and Wendy started to crawl around the premises to find a way to keep these goons off guard.

One of the goons searches the cabinet for the two.

One of them searches a drawer.

Goon 2: Dude.

Goon 1: What?

Goon 2: He isn't gonna be hiding in a drawer. He's too big.

Stan and Wendy continue to crawl, until Stan accidentally knocked over a few spoons that were hanging on the side of the table.

This caught the goons attention.

Stan: Reverse.

Stan and Wendy turn around and start to crawl the other way.

Wendy: What are we going to do?

Stan: I got an idea.

Stan grabbed a spoon.

Stan: Hide in one of the cabinets.

Wendy: No, I won't.

Stan forces Wendy into the cabinet.

Wendy: Stan, stop being a fucking idiot. You're gonna get yourself killed.

Stan: Well if that's the case, than I'm gonna make the ultimate sacrifice.

Wendy: Stan don't you-

Stan closes the door on Wendy.

Stan: I'm sorry Wendy and I love you.

In the cabinet, Wendy was crying her eyes out thinking that Stan might die.

Back in the kitchen, one of the goons was searching the kitchen until he heard a sound coming from the freezer.

The goon followed the sound and walked into the freezer.

Suddenly the door shuts.

The goon ran to the door and tried to free himself, but he quickly realised that it only opens from the outside.

Stan was the one who locked the goon in the freezer.

Stan: That's for ruining Valentines Day.

Goon 2: Hey, you little shit!

The goon points his gun at Stan and fires it, but the bullet somehow managed to graze Stan's arm and the bullet deflected from the freezer door and it hit the goon in the head.

Stan held onto his arm.

Wendy bursts out of the cabinet and runs to Stan.

Stan takes off his coat and ran to Wendy.

They both hugged each other.

Wendy: I thought they got you. But looks like you got them.

Stan: Oh no, it wasn't me who killed the guys, it was stupidity.

Wendy notices Stan's arm.

Wendy: Oh my God, you're bleeding.

Stan: It's just a scratch.

Wendy: But it's bleeding.

Stan: Well I am feeling kind of weak.

Wendy rested Stan by one of the cabinets.

Wendy tears Stan's sleeve.

Stan: Is there a med kit in here?

Wendy: I don't know. I can't see one. I got an idea anyway. I can't believe I'm gonna do it.

Wendy tears a bit of her dress and wraps the bit of dress around Stan's bleeding arm.

Wendy: How does it feel?

Stan: But I thought that was your favourite dress.

Wendy: It was.

Suddenly Wendy felt something pressing onto her leg.

Wendy: Stan, that better be your phone pressing onto my leg.

Stan: I hope it is as well.

Wendy than starts to rest her back onto one of the cabinets.

Wendy: Stan, tonight I wanted it to be perfect for both of us.

Stan: Same.

Wendy: Stan, the reason why I was acting so awkward was because I was scared I might screw up. And I know I'm the most confident person you've ever met, but I was so scared about screwing up that I didn't know what to talk about. I'm sorry if I ruined Valentines Day for you.

Stan stares at Wendy realising that he wasn't the only one who was scared.

Stan: Wendy, it's not your fault at all. Most of the fault is mine as well. I was scared about screwing up tonight's date as well. I wanted tonight to be perfect. I wasn't talking because I was scared of screwing up.

They both stare at each other.

Wendy: Well tonight might've not been the perfect Valentines Day, but there's always next year. And I think us hiding from the criminals got us a little closer.

Stan smiles at Wendy.

Stan: Come on Wendy, lets go and rescue the others.

Wendy smiled.

Suddenly they heard a knock and it was coming from the freezer.

Goon 1: Hey! I need your help here!

Stan: No! I'm not helping you.

Goon 1: Could you at least give me some food?

Stan: There's probably some food in there. Eat that.

Stan and Wendy exit the kitchen and enter the main area of the restaurant where everyone was being held hostage by the criminals.

But strangely enough, Kenny, Lola, Nelly and Butters weren't any of them.

The criminals were, one remaining goon and a butler.

Stan and Wendy held their hands in the air.

Stan: Ok, what do you want with me?

Butler: Actually I don't want you, my boss does.

Stan: Boss?

Butler: Yes. I'm his translator.

Wendy: Translator?

The butler moved aside to reveal the true mastermind, it was Alejandro AKA Mexican Joker.

Stan: Alejandro.

Alejandro: (Speaking Spanish).

Butler: Alejandro died when the Whites adopted him. Call me what everyone has been calling me ever since, Mexican Joker.

Stan: But why me Alejandro?

Alejandro: (Speaking Spanish).

Butler: Because your father is also to blame. I was forced to support that monster and because they didn't lock him up he's probably planning to blow up another backyard.

Stan: But why me?

Alejandro: (Speaking Spanish).

Butler: Because you know where Tegridy Farms is. And I want you to take me there.

Stan: And put my Mom and sister in danger, no thanks.

Alejandro points to his goon and says something to him in Spanish.

Goon 4: Yes sir.

Suddenly the goon shot Stan in the stomach.

Wendy: Stan!

Stan held onto his stomach.

The goon grabbed Wendy and pressed his pistol on her head.

Wendy: Stan!

Alejandro: (Speaking Spanish).

Butler: What's it gonna be Stan?

Stan: There's something you've forgotten Alejandro. I don't know how your country handles hostage take overs, but in South Park word gets around pretty fast.

Suddenly a bunch of cars park up.

The butler sighed.

Butler: Sir, I told you to plan this out more.

Suddenly the SWAT team bursts in

Swat Leader: Open fire!

The team starts firing off rounds.

Stan and Wendy ran out of the restaurant whilst the gunfight ensued.

They stood by the sidewalk and did some heavy breathing.

Wendy: We gotta take you to a hospital.

Stan: No need.

Stan lifted up his shirt to reveal he had a tray.

Stan pulled the tray out from his shirt and threw it away.

Wendy: Why didn't you tell me? You had me worried!

They stare into each other's eyes and than grabbed each other and started kissing.

They stop kissing.

Wendy: I can't be mad at you all the time you fucking idiot.

Stan: I love you so much.

Wendy: I love you too.

Stan and Wendy went back to kissing each other.

They stopped kissing to catch their breaths.

Stan: Happy Valentines Day.

Suddenly Scott and Sophie walked up to the two.

Scott: What the hell happened to you guys?

Stan and Wendy stare at the very good "Friends" whilst doing heavy breathing.

Wendy: We just celebrated Valentines Day.

Stan: Yeah. It was an intense experience.


	3. Boring Night: A Kydi and Kybe story

We open to Kyle Broflovski combing his hair because he's getting ready for a date with his girlfriend, Heidi Turner.

Ike: You look so stupid.

Kyle: Ike, I want to look perfect for my date. So I'm sorry if you think I look stupid.

Suddenly Kyle heard the doorbell ring.

Kyle: That must be her.

Kyle ran downstairs to answer the door.

When Kyle answered the door Heidi and Bebe were both standing on the front porch, both wearing dresses.

Heidi: Hi Kyle.

Kyle: Bebe? What are you doing here?

Heidi: Well, I felt bad that Bebe didn't have a date for Valentines Day so I thought she could join us.

Kyle: Heidi can we talk?

Heidi: Ok. Stay at the porch Bebe.

Bebe: Ok.

Kyle and Heidi walk to the couch where they can talk in private.

Kyle: What are you doing?

Heidi: What?

Kyle: I haven't spoken to Bebe since I tried to fix our relationship with her help. I feel awkward around her ever since I accidentally kissed her.

Heidi: Kyle, try not to think of that.

Kyle: How can I? It was a stupid decision that'll stay with me.

Heidi: Like you said to me Kyle, good people make bad decisions. Don't let Bebe ruin our night. Pretend she isn't here.

Kyle: Ok, I won't allow our history to ruin our night.

Heidi: Good.

Bebe: Are you two ready?

Kyle: Yeah, we were just discussing.

Bebe: Come on you two.

Later.

The Bijou theatre.

Kyle, Heidi and Bebe were at the theatre.

Kyle was looking uncomfortable sitting in between Heidi and Bebe.

Kyle (Speaking in his thoughts): What was Heidi thinking? Did she forget about our little incident?

Heidi (Speaking in her thoughts): Why did I decide to bring Bebe along? Why did I allow my guilty conscience get to me?

Bebe (Speaking in her thoughts): Why did I tell Heidi about being lonely on Valentines Day? I could've stayed home and played Fallen Order.

They later finish watching the movie.

Outside the theatre.

Kyle: Well that sucked.

Bebe: Tell me about it.

Heidi: So what do you wanna do now?

Kyle: I don't know.

Heidi: Jeez. I didn't expect this year's Valentines Day to be boring.

Bebe: It's like God didn't really care for this story and just made us do random shit with no conflict.

They sighed.

Kyle: I hope everyone else has had an interesting night.

**Author: Fuck this story. This was probably the most simplest, blandest story I have ever written. But I can't wait to do the others especially the Scott and Sophie one.**


	4. Eyes Wide Closed:A Netters and Kola Tale

We open to Kenny and Lola walking down the street with Butters and Nelly.

Kenny and Butters were dressed in their best suits whilst Lola and Nelly were wearing dresses.

Nelly: I can't believe I'm on my first double date.

Lola: I know.

Nelly: It's gonna be so epic.

Kenny: Girls, save the gossiping for later.

Lola: Sorry babe.

Kenny: It's ok, I don't really care about you two gossiping. Because I know tonight is gonna be epic.

Nelly: Yeah we're gonna be dancing.

Lola: Have dinner.

Kenny: Make out.

Butters: And have a foursome.

Butters smiled.

Kenny, Lola and Nelly stare at Butters in confusion.

Nelly: Where the fuck did you hear that?

Butters: Eric told me we'll get into a foursome. And I'm curious to what it is.

Buga De Faggocini.

The two couples enter the restaurant.

Kenny:...And that's a foursome.

Butters: Can you show me what it looks like?

Kenny: Can you not picture it in your head?

Butters: No not really. I'm not allowed to picture dirty things in my head or my Dad would ground me.

Kenny: How do you get grounded for that?

Gale (The Waiter from Kiss Hard) approached the two couples.

Gale: Good evening.

Lola: Hi, we have a reservation.

Gale: And you 4 are the Daniels party?

Kenny: Yeah.

Gale: Right this way.

They follow Gale to their table.

Kenny and Lola sat next to each other, right across from Butters and Nelly.

Gale: My name is Gale I'm your waiter and I will be with you shortly.

Nelly: How much money did you blow for these seats Lola?

Lola: Oh just a cheap 300 dollars.

Kenny: Three hundred dollars?!

Lola: Yup.

Kenny: Your parents must've been pissed.

Lola: They were, but they later accepted it and gave me the money.

Kenny: Cool.

Butters was drawing on a napkin.

Nelly: What are you drawing handsome?

Butters: Something. Kenny.

Kenny: Yeah.

Butters: Is this a foursome?

Butters shows the drawing he drew on the napkin and it looked like something out of John Carpenter's The Thing.

Kenny sighed.

Nelly: When's the waiter coming?

Lola: He said he'll be here shortly.

French narrator: One hour later.

The two couples were waiting for Gale.

Kenny: What's taking him so long?

Butters: Maybe he's busy with the other customers.

Lola: There's barley anyone here.

Butters noticed something.

Butters: Hey Stan, hey Wendy.

Stan and Wendy: Hey Butters.

Nelly: Where the hell is he?

Suddenly the four notice Gale taking Stan and Wendy to their table.

Butters: Maybe he was too busy with Stan and Wendy.

Nelly: It doesn't take an hour to sort out somebody's table.

Kenny: Screw it, I'm gonna go to Gale and ask him what's taking him too long.

Kenny gets off his seat.

Lola starts to follow Kenny.

Lola: Kenny.

Soon Butters and Nelly follow.

Gale was walking.

Kenny: Gale!

But Gale was ignoring them.

The group continued to follow Gale.

Lola: Gale!

They notice Gale enter the janitor's closet.

Nelly: What the hell?

Butters: So that's why he's not taking our order. He also works as a janitor and he forgot about us.

Kenny: Can you stop trying to find ways to defend him?

They enter the janitor's closet.

Kenny: Alright Gale, what-

They discover Gale wasn't there.

Kenny:...Are you playing at?

Nelly: Where is he?

Butters closes the door.

Butters: Maybe he snuck out of the window.

Lola: I don't see a window.

Nelly: Than where is he? He can't be invisible. I mean this place is too tight for an invisible person to hide in.

Kenny: Or maybe there's a secret passage.

Nelly: What?

Kenny: It's pretty logical when you think about it.

Nelly: Not really.

Kenny: Trust me Nelly.

Kenny walks up to the wall on the left.

Kenny: Maybe some part of the wall leads to the entrance.

Kenny starts rubbing his hands all over the wall and nothing happened.

Kenny: Or maybe it's the other wall.

Kenny walks to the wall on his right and starts to rub his hands all over the wall again; and again, nothing happened.

Kenny: Or maybe one of these items on the shelf is actually a lever. Like this regular bottle of bleach.

Kenny pulls a bottle of bleach and it was just regular bleach.

Kenny: Ok, just bleach. Or maybe it can't be an item on a shelf, maybe it's that mop in the bucket.

Kenny walks to the mop and pulls the mop out of the bucket.

Kenny: No, it's just a regular mop.

Lola: I don't know Kenny, maybe he's good at dis-

As Lola was walking she accidentally stepped on a pressure pad that caused a clicking.

Lola: Huh?

Lola moves her foot away and the floor suddenly turned into a spiral of stairs.

As the floor kept turning into a spiral of stairs Butters accidentally tripped and started to fall down the stairs.

Nelly: Babe!

Kenny: I knew there was an entrance.

Kenny, Nelly and Lola start running down the spiral staircase.

The sound of Butters tumbling down the stairs was heard.

Nelly: I'm coming Butters.

They made it to the bottom of the spiral staircase.

Butters was at the bottom as well, but he was on the floor.

Nelly approached him.

Nelly: Butters, are you ok?

Kenny: I think he's just unconscious.

Suddenly a guy in a cloak and a mask that looks like something from the 1700's walks up to the group.

The guy was a monk.

Masked Monk: Excuse me? What are you doing down here?

Kenny: Uh...

Masked Monk: If you're members I need the password.

Suddenly Butters woke up.

Butters: Gale!

Masked Monk: That's the password, but I see you've forgotten your masks and cloaks.

Nelly: Masks?

Masked Monk: I see your new members. A little young. But than again we've had a lot of priests and their little boys in this club.

Lola: What?

Masked Monk: Please follow me. I will give you your masks and cloaks.

The four follow the Masked Monk.

He led them to a basket of masks.

Masked Monk: Here you go.

The masked Monk gives the four their masks.

The four put the masks on.

The Masked Monk led the four to a bunch of cloaks hanging on clothes hangers.

He hands them their cloaks.

The four put the cloaks on.

Masked Monk: Do you have anything to ask before I bring you to the leader?

Butters: Yeah, can you show me what a foursome is?

The Masked Monk looked at Butters in confusion.

Masked Monk: I see you're fan of foursomes. You'll find more interesting positions once you meet the leader.

They follow the Masked Monk to a room where some kind of ritual was taking place.

There was a circle of topless women with a guy wearing a golden mask and a red cloak in the centre chanting something in reverse Italian, swinging a smoking thurible in one hand and holding a golden staff on the other.

Lola: Kenny, do you have any idea what's going on?

But Kenny wasn't replying at all he was distracted by something else.

Lola: Kenny?

The ritual was continuing and the masked women than started to kiss each other simultaneously.

They also notice a guy wearing a blind fold and he was playing an electric piano.

Butters: How is he doing that?

The leader continues with the ritual and walks to one of the women and hits his staff on the floor and one of the women stands up and walks to one of the masked men and starts to kiss him.

The leader did the same with the other girls and the girls did the same thing to the other guys.

After that, the leader handed his thurible to one of the masked monks.

The Leader approached the four.

Leader: Are you new?

Masked Monk: They're new sir.

Leader: I wasn't made aware of new members coming.

Masked Monk: Neither was I. Maybe Howard forgot to tell us.

Leader: Howard's life will be on the line. Send out the threatening cards.

Masked Monk: Yes sir. You four better remember our leader is not to be messed with.

The Masked Monk that accompanied the four walks away from them.

Leader: Please follow me.

Nelly: Who are you? Not just you, you and this weird "club".

Leader: That I will explain. Follow.

The four start following the leader.

The leader led them to a hallway filled with pictures.

Leader: We are a secret society that helps people clear the...uh...It's not a very common addiction, but it's pretty serious.

Kenny: What is it?

Leader: We call it lust, but you know it as sex addiction. We've had a lot of members with sex addiction in our club, Charlie Sheen, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger and various others. We help them to deal with their sex addiction by letting them have sex.

Butters: I stopped the sex addiction by shooting an alien space wizard.

The Leader stopped supposedly in shock.

Leader: What the fuck?! That's just some stupid scenario made up by the government.

They continue walking.

Lola: So, how does allowing sex addicts have sex supposed to calm their addiction?

Leader: Sex addiction is a very complex addiction. When the sex addict has sex, the sex addict will get bored and the addiction will die down eventually. Sometimes our members are here for pleasure, sometimes they like to watch.

Butters: Can I see a foursome?

Leader: Why do you wanna see a foursome?

Butters: Because I wanna know what it's like.

Leader: Very well. But meet me in my office once you are finished for the final initiation. The foursome shall be taking place in room 237. And my office is at the end of the hall.

Butters: Thank you.

Butters enters the room 237.

Nelly: You mentioned something about initiation.

Leader: Yes.

Nelly: What kind?

Leader: You wait, you see.

They keep following the leader.

The Leader led them to an elevator on the right.

Leader: And over here we have our elevator.

Suddenly the elevator door opened and a tidal wave of blood came out.

The wave hits them.

Leader: Don't worry, it's just rusty water.

They continue to follow the Leader.

Lola: So wait, you've had celebrities as members?

Leader: Yes we have. Like I said before, we've had Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton and Charlie Sheen. But we also had Kobe Bryant, Jeffery Epstein and Stanley Kubrick.

The trio stare at each other in discomfort.

They enter a room filled with more masked nuns and monks, they were circling a chair.

The Leader took a seat on his throne right in the centre of the room.

The trio stopped in the centre right in front of the leader.

Leader: Now, it is time for the final initiation. Take off your masks.

The trio took off their masks.

Leader: Now, remove your clothes.

The trio stared at him.

Kenny: Ok.

Lola: Kenny no.

Leader: And why isn't he allowed?

Lola: Because you're all a bunch grown ups watching a child get undressed.

Leader: We have been doing this for generations. It's what we do.

Lola: Well I'm not joining your cult.

Everyone gasped.

Leader: It's not a cult, it's a club.

Kenny: To me it's kind of a cult.

Leader: They'll say it's a cult, but really it's a goddamn club!

Masked Monk: Well we're dressed in creepy masks and cloaks and doing weird sex things in secret. So it's kind of a cult.

Everyone started agreeing.

Leader: It's not a cult, it's a club! Now remove your clothes!

Nelly: We are not removing our clothes.

Leader: If you do not remove your clothes you are our enemies.

The trio were about to exit.

Lola: Well we're gonna expose you.

Leader: Than you leave me no choice. We are gonna do the same thing we did to Kobe Bryant, Jeffery Epstein and Stanley Kubrick when they tried to expose us.

The trio thought hard for a moment.

Kenny: You did this to Kobe?

Leader: Yeah.

Nelly: Oh my God! You monsters. You murderers!

The trio screamed and ran out of the door.

Leader: Come back here! I don't wanna kill you, I want to send death threats.

The trio continue running.

Lola: To the elevator.

Kenny: Lola wait!

Lola ran to the elevator and the doors opened.

Suddenly Lola got hit by the tidal wave of rusty water.

Kenny and Nelly ran to avoid the tidal wave.

The tidal wave crashed into the wall and Lola slumped to the floor.

Lola: Fuck, that didn't taste like rusty water at all.

Lola got up.

Leader: Stop!

They continue to run.

They ran past room 237.

They heard screaming.

Nelly: Oh shit! Butters!

Suddenly Butters exited the room and shut the door.

Butters was covered in white stuff.

Nelly: Baby, what happened?

Butters: I now know what a foursome was. Thanks to Barry, Leonard, Alex and Lolita, I'm covered in terrible tasting cream.

Lola: We gotta get out of here Butters.

Butters: Why?

Kenny: Because this is a sex cult and they killed Kobe Bryant!

Butters screamed.

They continued to run as the Leader and his monks followed.

Leader: Wait, we're not gonna do what you think we're gonna do.

Butters took off his mask and threw it at the monks to try and throw them off guard.

But that didn't work and they just trampled on the masks.

Leader: Look what you made us do? Do you have any idea how much they cost to make?

They continue to run and they ran into the main hall where the blindfolded pianist was still playing.

Leader: Stop them!

Blindfolded Pianist: Stop who?

The four continue to run.

They hid behind a couch.

Nelly: What do we do?

Butters: Isn't it obvious babe? We get the heck out of here.

Lola: But they'll kill us if we try to expose them.

Nelly: Than what do we do?

Kenny than notices a passageway and there was a sign above the door frame that said "boiler room".

Kenny: I got an idea. You three run, I'm gonna make the ultimate sacrifice.

Lola: What?!

Kenny: I'm gonna blow this place sky high.

Lola: No! No! No! No! Kenny, I won't let you die!

Kenny: You'll see me tomorrow.

Lola: Kenny what the-

Suddenly Kenny puts his finger on Lola's lips.

Kenny than removes his hood.

Kenny: You'll see.

Kenny than removes his finger from Lola's lips and pressed his lips onto hers.

Lola was shocked for a moment but she returned the kiss.

Nelly: Come here.

Butters: Nelly, I'm covered in terrible creamy goo.

Nelly: Shut the fuck up and kiss me.

Nelly grabbed Butters by the shoulders and kissed him.

Butters than kissed back.

After a few moments they disconnected.

Kenny pulls his hood up.

Kenny: Run.

Kenny ran into the boiler room.

Nelly: Lola, we gotta-

Suddenly the monks were standing in front of them.

Nelly:...Go.

Leader: It's too late. Since you decided to not join us. We shall bring you death-

Suddenly Nelly punched the leader in the balls.

Nelly: Run!

They ran through the crowed of monks and they tried to grab them, but they failed miserably.

Leader:...Threats!

Meanwhile.

Nelly, Lola and Butters were running up the spiral staircase.

Butters: Good thing we left the staircase open.

Whilst the cul-I mean club were just standing around.

The Leader got up holding onto his balls.

Monk: Shall we follow?

Leader: No Gale, it will be pointless. We know where they live we shall send the de-I'm sorry does anyone else hear the sound of gas being-

Suddenly the cul-I mean club was engulfed in flames.

Outside the restaurant.

Stan, Wendy, Scott and Sophie were chatting.

Scott:...And that's how our night went.

Suddenly a bit of the restaurant blew up.

Wendy: What the fuck?!

Nelly, Lola and Butters exited the half destroyed restaurant covered in ashes.

They sat on the sidewalk.

Stan, Wendy, Scott and Sophie stared at them.

Stan: So how was your night?

Nelly: Erotic.

Lola: Sad.

Butters: Nightmarish.

They stayed silent.

Scott: Does anyone wanna hear if I won the bet?


	5. The Bet: A Scotphie Story

We open to Scott Malkinson in the bathroom adjusting his bow tie.

His Mom was at his side.

Scott: How do I look Mom?

Mrs Malkinson: Oh you look so handsome Scott. Wait till your father sees this.

Scott walks downstairs to the living room; his father was sitting on the couch watching TV.

Scott walks in front of the TV.

Scott: How do I look Dad?

Mr Malkinson: Get out of the way Scott. I'm watching The Walking Dead like a normal person.

Scott: But Dad, I'm going out with Sophie Gray tonight and I need to know if I look good.

Mr Malkinson (Mimicking Scott): I'm going out with Sophie Gray tonight and I need to know if I look good. I'm Scott Malkinson and I have diabetes.

Scott: Goddammit.

Suddenly they heard the doorbell ring.

Scott: I got this.

Scott walked up to the door and took a deep breath.

Scott: You got this.

Scott opened the door.

Sophie stood on the front porch wearing a dress that Scott couldn't help but marvel at.

Sophie: Hi Scott.

Scott was blushing.

Scott: Hey...Sophie.

Scott pulls his glucose meter out of his pocket and measures his sugar.

It was at 173 so it was very high.

Scott: Hold on I gotta take an insulin shot.

Sophie: Ok.

Scott gives himself a shot of insulin.

Sophie: You ready?

Scott: Yeah.

Scott exited his house and he and Sophie started walking.

Scott: Bye Mom, bye Dad.

Mr Malkinson: Good riddance Scott.

Scott pulls an annoyed look.

Later.

Scott and Sophie are walking together.

Sophie: So, is there anywhere we can go this evening?

Scott: I thought we could go and see the movie Chix Flick.

Sophie: Are you sure Scott? I mean it looked kind of girly.

Scott: I'm sure Sophie.

Scott notices Cartman watching from across the street along with Clyde watching them.

Sophie: You ok Scott?

Scott: Yeah, sorry.

Sophie: It's ok. Come on Scott.

Bijou Theatre interior.

Scott and Sophie were watching the movie.

The movie had Amy Schumer, Melissa McCartney, Anna Kendrick and Kirsten Wigg.

They were dressing up as bridesmaids.

_Anna (Sounding awkward): Boy this anticipation for the wedding is killing me._

_Kirsten: More like ant-ticipation._

_Amy: This dress is very tight around my vagina._

_Melissa facepalmed herself._

_Melissa: When can you three stop doing the same shit for once?_

Scott looked behind him and saw Cartman and Clyde watching him and Sophie.

Cartman did a sinister wave.

Scott nervously placed his hand on Sophie's.

Sophie notices this and smiles.

Scott and Sophie start staring at each other.

Than they began leaning into each other.

Scott was so excited because he might win the bet, but than Sophie notices something that made her stop leaning in.

Sophie (Whispering): Scott, look.

Sophie points to Kyle, Heidi and Bebe; who were watching the movie.

Scott (Whispering): Why is Kyle having Valentines Day with both Bebe and Heidi?

Sophie (Whispering): I don't know. They look awfully board.

Scott (Whispering): Yeah.

Sophie and Scott continue staring at each other.

Sophie (Whispering): What were we doing?

Scott was shocked that Sophie didn't remember, so he quickly decided to act cool and not sound too desperate for the kiss.

Scott (Whispering): I don't know.

Sophie and Scott continue to watch the movie.

Scott (Speaking in his thoughts): What if I don't kiss Sophie? I'll just have to humiliate myself in front of everyone for a week.

Sophie (Speaking in her thoughts): Jesus Christ I hope I wasn't rushing things.

After the movie.

Scott and Sophie were outside the theatre.

Sophie: So now, what do you want to do?

Scott: I think we could go to the school Valentines Day dance.

Sophie: Sounds like a good idea.

They start walking.

As they continue to walk Scott looked behind him to see if Cartman was following them, but he wasn't.

South Park elementary.

In the gym.

Scott and Sophie enter the gym where the school Valentines Day dance was being held and looked like it was going well.

A lot of people there were doing slow dances, chatting and at the buffet table.

Sophie: Do you want some punch?

Scott: Yeah sure.

Sophie: Actually could you get us some punch? I gotta check my sugar.

Scott: Ok.

Scott goes to the buffet table where he runs into Token.

Token: Hey Scott.

Scott: Hi Token.

Token: How's your Valentines Day?

Scott: Ok I guess.

Token: What do you mean?

Scott: I've actually agreed to a bet by Cartman. I have to kiss Sophie tonight and if I don't kiss her than I'll have to say "I'm Scott Malkinson, I have a lisp and diabetes" 5 times every time I sit down in the cafeteria.

Token: Wow! That sounds awful.

Scott: I know. But if I win than Cartman will have to do something humiliating for everyone for a month.

Token: Ok! You need to kiss Sophie.

Scott: I know.

Token: No!

Token grabs Scott by the shoulders.

Token: You need to win this because I've been putting up with his shit for a long time and it's about time he gets what he deserves.

Scott: Well what am I supposed to do?

Token: Tango.

Scott: Huh?

Token: Yeah. You do know what it is right?

Scott: Yeah, I watched Scent of a Woman. Why are you suggesting tango?

Token: Because I did the tango with Nichole and I got a kiss from her.

Scott looked around the gym to see if Cartman was there, but he wasn't yet again.

Token: You ok Scott?

Scott: Yeah, I'm fine.

Token: Ok, I'll go and suggest the music.

Scott: Thanks Token.

Scott was about to walk to Sophie but he stopped when he realised he forgot to get the punch.

Scott got some punch and returned to Sophie.

Sophie: What took you long?

Scott hands a cup of punch to Sophie.

Scott: Been talking with Token.

Sophie: No problem with that.

Than Por Una Cabeza started playing in the gym.

Scott: So Sophie, you wanna tango?

Sophie: Tango?

Scott: It's like a dance.

Sophie: I know what it is. I just don't know. What if I screw up?

Scott (Trying to sound charming and cool): No mistakes in the tango, darling, not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. You make a mistake, you get all tangled up, just tango on.

Sophie smiled at the comment.

Scott: That quote was from Scent of a Woman by the way.

Scott holds Sophie's hand and they walked to the centre of the gym.

Scott and Sophie got into their dancing positions and they took a few steps forward and than a few steps to the side and than a few steps to the back.

Scott than span Sophie and she chuckled a bit.

They continued to take a few steps forward, than they took a few steps back and a couple of steps to the side.

Scott than started to spin Sophie repeatedly but all of a sudden his hand slipped from Sophie's and she fell to the floor.

Everyone had their eyes on the two.

Scott: Oh my God! Are you ok?

Craig: And you said there were no mistakes in tango.

Later.

Scott and Sophie were walking around Stark's Pond.

Sophie had a small cut on her head.

Scott: Again, I'm sorry for ruining the tango.

Sophie: Scott, it's ok. Apart from me getting a cut on my head, you were great.

Scott: And you were great as well.

They both sat on a bench.

Sophie: You know people say that Stark's Pond is the most romantic location in South Park.

Scott: Yeah, my friend Stan and his girlfriend's relationship began here.

Sophie: Really? Cool.

Scott: Yeah. Cool.

Sophie: Cool.

Scott: Cool.

They start staring at each other.

Suddenly Scott tried to kiss Sophie and Sophie pushed him away.

Sophie: Scott! What the fuck?!

Scott tried again.

Sophie: Scott!

Sophie punches Scott in the face.

Scott starts to feel his face.

Sophie: What were you doing?!

Scott suddenly realises what he did.

Scott: What have I done?

Sophie: You tried to kiss me without my permission that's what! I don't know what the hell you were thinking but we shouldn't really ru-

Suddenly Sophie heard Scott sniffling.

Sophie than stopped her rant and stared at Scott.

Sophie: Are you crying?

Scott: No.

But really Scott was trying to hold back his tears.

Sophie: Why are you crying?

Scott: I didn't mean to do that Sophie, it's just me and Cartman had a bet.

Sophie: What bet?

Scott: Cartman said if I kissed you than he'll give me 32 dollars and will have to do something humiliating for everyone for a month. But if I don't kiss you than (Sniff) I'll have to say "I'm Scott Malkinson, I have a lisp and diabetes" five times every time I sit down for lunch.

Scott than starts crying.

Scott: I'm sick of being humiliated because of my condition Sophie. And if I kissed you, than Cartman will finally get what he deserves.

Scott continues to cry.

Sophie starts to stare at Scott with guilt.

Scott: I don't care if you hate me Sophie, just know that (Sniff) I'm sorry.

Scott continues to cry.

Sophie couldn't help but stare at Scott with guilt on her face.

Sophie than starts to hug Scott.

Sophie: Hey. Hey, Scott. You don't need to cry anymore. I'm sorry for punching you Scott. I had no idea this bet meant so much to you. I don't care you have a lisp at all, although I do care you have diabetes, I mean in a concerned way FYI. I forgive you Scott, it's not your fault. Fuck Eric Cartman, ok?

Scott: *Sniff* Ok.

Scott than wraps his arms around Sophie and they continue to hug each other.

Later.

Scott and Sophie are walking down the street.

Sophie noticed Scott looking down and she holds his hand.

This gave Scott a small smile.

Suddenly they heard some punching and kicking sounds.

They turn to where the punching and kicking was coming from.

The punching and kicking was coming from an alleyway where Kyle, Heidi and Bebe were beating up Cartman and Clyde.

Scott: What's going on?

Sophie: I don't know. But hey, they're beating up Cartman. Hey guys! Save some for us!

Scott and Sophie run down the alleyway.

Scott and Sophie start kicking Cartman.

Sophie: This (Kick) is what (Kick) you get (Kick) for bullying (Kick) my Scott (Kick).

Scott kind of blushed hearing Sophie calling him, her Scott.

Sophie and Scott stopped kicking Cartman.

Cartman: Fuck...you two. Did you kiss?

Scott: No! And Fuck you!

Scott punched Cartman.

Scott and Sophie take a moment to catch their breaths.

Kyle: Hey you two.

Scott: Hey Kyle. Why are you with-

Kyle: Bebe. Heidi invited her along with us.

Heidi: It started out very boring, but when Cartman and Clyde decided to be pervs; we decided to kick their asses.

Bebe: And thanks for joining in you two.

Sophie: You're welcome.

Kyle: How's your night anyway?

Sophie: It's going good so far. We've had our ups and downs, but Scott and I managed to fix those.

Bebe: That's great you two. Where are you heading now?

Sophie: Scott's walking me home, like a gentleman.

Cartman: (Mimicking Sophie) Scott's walking me home, like a gentleman. I'm Sophie Gray, I have a lisp and diabetes.

Scott kicks Cartman.

Scott: She doesn't have a lisp!

Later.

Scott and Sophie were walking up to the Buga De Faggocini, where they notice Stan and Wendy were both looking exhausted and had been through shit.

Scott and Sophie walk up to the two.

Scott: What the hell happened to you guys?

Stan and Wendy stare at the very good "Friends" whilst doing heavy breathing.

Wendy: We just celebrated Valentines Day.

Stan: Yeah. It was an intense experience.

Sophie: What happened?

Wendy: Mexican Joker attacked the restaurant.

Scott: He's here?!

Sophie: Who's Mexican Joker?

French Narrator: Approximately 48 seconds later.

Sophie: Oh. Ok.

Stan: We think he might be dead.

Mexican Joker (Off-Screen): (Speaking Spanish).

Butler (Off-Screen): I'm still alive motherfuckers!

Stan: Never mind.

Wendy: How was your night?

Scott: It was good. We had our ups and downs.

Stan: Did you manage to win the bet?

Wendy: What bet?

Scott: If I kiss Sophie than Cartman will have to do something humiliating for everyone for a month.

Wendy: Ok, we seriously need to know if you won the bet.

Scott: Unfortunately no. But I did get my revenge on Cartman. Besides that, me and Sophie saw Chix Flick, we tangoed at the school dance and we walked around Stark's Pond. And that's how our night went.

Suddenly a bit of the restaurant blew up.

Wendy: What the fuck?!

Nelly, Lola and Butters exited the half destroyed restaurant covered in ashes.

They sat on the sidewalk.

Stan, Wendy, Scott and Sophie stared at them.

Stan: So how was your night?

Nelly: Erotic.

Lola: Sad.

Butters: Nightmarish.

They stayed silent.

Scott: Does anyone wanna hear if I won the bet?

Butters: Did you Scott?

Scott: No.

Sophie: Come on Scott. Mom might be wondering where I am in 15 minutes.

Scott: See you guys at school.

Stan, Wendy, Nelly, Butters and Lola: Bye Scott.

Scott and Sophie started to walk away.

Gray residence.

Scott and Sophie were standing on the front porch.

Sophie: Scott, I had a great time tonight.

Scott: Me too. Sorry I tried to kiss you.

Sophie: It's ok Scott. I'll see ya tomorrow.

Sophie gives Scott a quick peck on the cheek.

Scott blushed.

Scott: See..see ya tomorrow.

Scott started to make his way home.

Sophie was about to enter the house but she stopped for a moment than she looked back at Scott.

Sophie: Scott, wait.

Scott stopped.

Scott: Is there something wrong?

Sophie walked up to Scott.

Sophie: Nothing Scott, it's just, I think you deserve more than just a peck on the cheek.

Scott stood confused.

Scott: Like what?

Sophie held Scott by the shoulders.

Sophie: Like this.

And without hesitation Sophie leaned in and pressed her lips against Scott's despite his tongue getting in the way a bit.

Scott was shocked for a moment, but than he closed his eyes and returned the kiss.

After what felt like an eternity they disconnected.

Sophie: I couldn't let you go home losing the bet.

Sophie walked up to the front door and went inside.

Scott was standing on the sidewalk all shocked at what just happened.

Scott pulls his glucose meter out of his pocket to measure his sugar and it reached up to 167.

Scott: Totally worth it.


	6. Bonus Story

We open to Cartman walking down the street.

Cartman: He's not gonna kiss Sophie. I just know it.

Suddenly Clyde shows up in front of him.

Clyde: Hey dude.

Cartman: Fuck you want Clyde?

Clyde: Nothing I was just saying hi.

Cartman: And I'm saying fuck off.

Clyde: Oh ok. What are you doing?

Cartman: Nothing that concerns you asshole.

Clyde: Ok. Well I'm going to Raisins. I've got no one for Valentines Day.

Cartman: Well I'm gonna watch Scott Malkinson to see if he kisses Sophie Gray.

Clyde: I've been seeing them hang out with each other for a while. They're bound to kiss.

Cartman: But here's the catch Clyde, me and Scott have a bet. If he doesn't kiss Sophie than he'll have to say "I'm Scott Malkinson, I have a lisp and diabetes" five times for a week. But if he does kiss Sophie than I owe him 32 dollars and I'll have to do something humiliating for everyone for a month.

Clyde: I bet Scott will kiss Sophie.

Cartman: He's not, he has a lisp.

Clyde: But you still got a bunch of kisses from Heidi despite the fact you're a fat fuck.

Cartman: Fuck you Clyde!

Cartman was about to punch Clyde.

Clyde: Hey look. It's Scott and Sophie.

Clyde points to where he saw Scott and Sophie; they were walking on the sidewalk just across from where they were standing.

Cartman: Oh, you're right.

Scott looked at the two.

Clyde: Where do you think they're going?

Cartman tries to listen in on the conversation.

Cartman: They're going to the theatre to see Chick Flix. I'll see you later.

Clyde: Hey do you mind if I tag along? I don't want to spend my Valentines Day at Raisins.

Cartman: Are you gay?

Clyde: No! I just wanna see if Scott will kiss Sophie.

Cartman: (Sigh) Fine. But don't do anything gay while we're there.

Clyde: I'm not gay!

Later.

The Bijou theatre int.

Cartman and Clyde were a few seats behind Scott and Sophie.

Scott looked behind him and Cartman did a sinister wave.

Cartman: He better not kiss her.

Clyde: Hey Eric.

Cartman: What Clyde?

Clyde: Why does Amy Schumer suck?

Cartman: I don't know. I mean, every time she talks about her vagina I wanna blow my brains out.

Cartman continues to watch Scott and Sophie.

Clyde: Hey Eric.

Cartman: What Clyde?

Clyde: How long is this unfunny train wreck?

Cartman: I don't know, just shut up.

Cartman continues to watch Scott and Sophie.

Clyde: Hey Eric.

Cartman: (Sigh) What now Clyde?

Clyde: Can you go and get some popcorn?

Cartman: No Clyde! Get it yourself you fat fuck! And for once, shut the fuck up! I'm trying to watch Scott and Sophie!

Moviegoer (Off-Screen): Shh.

Cartman: You "Shh!"

Cartman continued to watch Scott and Sophie but he had a lot of frustration on his face.

Clyde: Hey Eric.

Cartman: What?!

Clyde: Kyle is having Valentines Day with Heidi and Bebe.

Cartman: Huh?

Clyde points to a bunch of seats that are a few rows in front of them.

Cartman: Holy crap, you're right. How is he handling two girlfriends? The lucky bastard.

Clyde: Maybe they're gonna get into a threesome later.

Cartman: A what?

Clyde starts whispering in Cartman's ear.

Cartman: Holy shit, that sounds awesome. I never knew three ways existed. I knew about four ways.

Clyde: How do you know what a four way is despite the fact you don't know what a three way is?

Later.

The Bijou Theatre ext.

Cartman and Clyde exit the theatre.

Clyde: Come on Cartman, Scott and Sophie went this way.

Cartman: Actually, I was thinking maybe we could watch Kyle engage in the three way with Heidi and Bebe.

Clyde: Oh. Why?

Cartman: Because I want to see what it's like.

Clyde: But do you want know if you're gonna win the bet?

Cartman: Fuck the bet Clyde, I know I'm gonna win it.

Clyde: Ok. But who knows, you might lose.

Cartman: Now which way did they go?

Clyde: I think I heard them say they were going to Tweek's coffee.

Later at Tweek's coffee.

Kyle, Heidi and Bebe were drinking coffee looking very bored whilst Cartman and Clyde were watching them.

Clyde: They look bored as fuck.

Cartman: Yeah. When are they gonna get to the threesome?

Clyde: Maybe they'll eventually do it. As a way to make tonight less boring.

Cartman: They look absolutely down. How is there gonna be a threesome with them three looking bored as shit?

Clyde: It'll happen trust me.

Montage starts.

Kyle, Heidi and Bebe were at the school Valentines Day dance, still looking bored.

Cartman and Clyde were watching them still looking bored.

We than cut to Kyle, Heidi and Bebe at the arcade.

Heidi and Kyle were playing Mortal Kombat whilst Bebe watched.

Cartman and Clyde were once again watching the three looking bored.

We than cut to Kyle, Heidi and Bebe at Stark's Pond looking bored.

Again Cartman and Clyde were staring at them looking bored.

Later.

Kyle, Heidi and Bebe were walking down an alleyway with Cartman and Clyde following them.

Cartman: Goddammit when will you three get to the fucking threesome?!

Cartman's scream caused the music to stop and the montage to end.

Kyle, Heidi and Bebe turn around to face Cartman and Clyde.

Kyle: What the fuck do you mean by that?

Cartman: Clyde said you three will get into a threesome.

Bebe: What?!

Kyle: What the fuck are you on about fat ass?!

Cartman: Clyde told me you three will get into a threesome and I want to know what it looks like. So I decided to follow you guys.

Clyde (Sounding nervous): I was being sarcastic about the comment.

Bebe: Yeah right!

Heidi: Eric you fucking pervert!

Kyle: Despite our night being boring, we were never gonna get into a threesome!

Cartman: Aww!

Bebe: But you two were being such creepy stalkers. I think you two deserve the proper punishment.

Bebe walks up to Clyde and punches him in the face and that caused him to fall to the ground.

Cartman laughed, but than Kyle walked up to him and punched him in the face.

Kyle and Bebe start kicking Cartman and Clyde simultaneously.

Heidi: You two!

Kyle and Bebe stopped kicking the two.

Heidi: Let me join in.

Heidi, Kyle and Bebe start kicking Cartman and Clyde.

Cartman and Clyde were screaming in pain.

Sophie: Hey guys! Save some for us.

Sophie and Scott enter the alleyway, suddenly Sophie looked at the camera.

Sophie: We already know what happens here.

Scott: Who are you talking to?

French Narrator: Later after the scene you already knew happened. But if you didn't, why the fuck are you reading this chapter?

Cartman and Clyde were walking down the sidewalk covered in bruises and scratches.

Cartman: Worst beating ever.

Clyde: And it came from two of our exes.

Cartman: Yeah.

Suddenly the two stopped.

Cartman: Da fuck?

What they were seeing was Scott and Sophie kissing on the lips.

Cartman stood in shock.

Cartman: That...son...of a bitch. I've lost the bet.

Clyde: How do you know everyone will believe him?

Cartman: I just do C-Hey you're right. I doubt anyone will actually believe his story. They'll just think he's lying so I could humiliate myself. Well Clyde, it was great hanging out with you.

Clyde: No it wasn't.

Cartman: You're right. I'll see you later you fat fuck.

Cartman started walking home.

Clyde pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts dialling a number.

Clyde: Hey Stan...Scott just kissed Sophie...Yeah. He won.


	7. Epilogue

School cafeteria.

Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Scott, Clyde, Token and Butters were having their lunch.

Stan: So how was Valentines Day for you Kyle?

Kyle: Well Heidi invited Bebe along because she felt sorry for her having no one on Valentines Day. It started out boring than we beat the living shit out of Cartman.

Stan: Sounds fun. Well Mexican Joker invaded the Buga De Faggocini but me and Wendy survived.

Butters: Mexican Joker was there? Kenny and I were there as well. We encountered some weird club that had something to do with Kobe Bryant's death. And Kenny kind of disappeared.

Kenny slams his head on the table.

Token: When's fat ass coming?

Stan: He should be here any minute.

Cartman enters the cafeteria wearing a Tegridy t-shirt.

Cartman took his seat.

Cartman: What's up guys?

Kyle started chuckling.

Kyle: You look ridiculous.

Cartman: Now I know what wearing this stupid shirt feels like. Fuck you Clyde for telling everyone.

The guys (Except Stan) started laughing.

Kenny: It really suits you.

Scott noticed Stan wasn't laughing.

Scott: Are you ok Stan?

Stan: It's Mexican Joker, Scott. He's after me. He's not gonna stop until he has me and until I take him to the farm. I'm scared he's just not gonna hurt me, I'm scared he might hurt Shelly and Mom.

Scott: So, what are you saying Stan?

Stan starts staring at a screwdriver that was randomly on the floor.

Stan: I think somebody needs to come out of retirement.

Suddenly a random student slipped over the screwdriver.


End file.
